Daddy's Girl

I wish I had a better relationship with my dad.  It's not that he's a bad father, or that he's never around.  It's the language thing.  I'm too western and he's too traditional.  That's all.

If it wasn't for the language thing, I think we'd be really close.  Our personalities are very similar.  We'd get along just fine.

And today when my mom and sister were fighting with me, he defended me.

This will always be remembered.

According to Greta

Watched it.  Loved it.  How is it possible to relate so much to a movie?

Making Plans

I’ve been dealing with this for almost seven years.  And she says, “what about all those plans we made, you can’t leave me now”.

That’s the only thing that kept me here today.

It’s been a bumpy ride.

Real Girl’s Kitchen 2

I’ve tried another one of Haylie’s recipes yesterday: avocado salad (her version pictured above).  I’m kind of on a health trend right now, so I thought it’d be great to try this out.

I didn’t have cherry tomatoes so I subbed in regular tomatoes but I think it all works the same.  Mine didn’t turn out like hers (yet again) but I think it was alright (my version pictured below).  It tasted pretty good, my mom liked it too.

Would I make it again?  Sure, why not.  I want to taste the real version from a restaurant though.  Then I’d have something to compare it to.

I also had a pretty good meal with it last night too.  In all, the meal kept me full for almost six hours (that’s a lot considering I’m an athlete and nerd which uses up a lot of energy).  Good stuff.

I also made a pretty good peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch yesterday (craving caused by Allstar Weekend), but that’s not fancy enough to blog about.

(Real Girl's Kitchen blog post 1, click here)

Riding the bus

I used to have a teacher who saved my life.  When I was experiencing the darkest of my days a few years ago, she talked me through and wouldn’t let me follow through with the plans I had in my head.  Most importantly, she kept my secrets exactly how they should be: secret.  Even though she was, by law, supposed to report me for “my safety” as the policy states, she didn’t.

Today as I was on the bus home, I was thinking of an excuse to tell my mom of why I skipped Ultimate Frisbee practise after school.  I couldn’t tell her that I hurt my ankle, I’m not in the mood for lectures.  And as I was thinking of an excuse that would get me into the least amount of trouble, I realized that I’ve been making excuses a lot lately and lying a lot and keeping my mouth completely shut about everything.

And I thought about that teacher who saved my life.  She told me that sometimes we take on a lot and life gives us a lot to handle.  Almost like we’re extending our arm and holding a cup of water in front of us.  And sometimes, even that little glass of water gets too heavy.  Even though we don’t want to put it down, we need to put down the glass, take a break and then pick it back up again.

I think I’ve been holding that glass for too long; trying to be everything to everyone and yeah, I’m tired.

So today I put down the glass.  Didn’t go to practice.  Didn’t go to work.  Didn’t stay after school for any clubs.  Didn’t go out to volunteer.  I went home, sat down and just paced myself to catch up on video editing and math.

Yes, I put down the glass for a little and hopefully, I’ll be able to hold it all up once again.

Social Interactions

In our day and age, social interaction has increased exponentially.  First we had the telegram to message people distances away, then the phone to talk to them...and then BOOM!  Facebook, Twitter, Skype, MSN, Youtube, Blogger.  Connecting with people is fast, easy, and constantly happening.  But the quality of these relationships have suffered.

I've spent the past few days locked away in my room trying to salvage my grades in school.  Sure I've talked to be people online, but talking to them through technology and talking to people face to face are actually have a world of difference.

So I guess twenty-first century technology can't really beat the good ol' traditional brunch chat.

But I still love technology.  I've received some really nice comments on Blogger (thanks Sam!) and Youtube.

Times are changing.

"Oh these times are hard, yeah they're making us crazy, don't give up on me baby" - The Script, For the First Time

First loves and secret corners

I'm seventeen and I don't know if any of this is real.  If these are forever truths or temporary thoughts.  Either way, this is my truth for this moment in time as I attempt to capture my life in words.

There's an awesome boy waiting for me.  And I can't do it.  I can't be in a relationship.  Either I'm not a relationship type of person, or it's bad timing.  Even though it's been almost a year since my last peril with love, I can't move on.  Why can't I?  I'd like to know the answer too.

Well, he is the first person who could make me smile when I'm down and stressed and mad.  The only one who could make me feel better even when I'm clearly not.  He is the first person that I could actually imagine having a relationship with.  Not one of those immature high school dates, not something I've imagined and fantasized about in my head, but a serious relationship, a first love.  And he is the first person to know me better than I even know myself and to put me before his own wants.  It's hard to think that in a few months, he'll be gone and so will I.  And who knows if we'll still have each other.  We barely speak now.  I'm seventeen and I'll get over it in time, I'm pretty sure I am over it now, just nostalgic at the moment.

Cause today, I couldn't stop thinking about him.  I don't know why, but he just kept popping up in my mind.  Wouldn't it be nice to go back in time and stay forever the way the two of us used to be?

Of all the times we've shared together, it was that moment in the corner of his doorway, about to say goodbye.  It was something I've never felt before and it still keeps me up some nights wondering if he felt the same way.  If maybe that night really could have been the start of something if I wasn't so scared of love when it happened.  But I guess knowing and not knowing doesn't matter now cause it's over.

And through this whole story, there is hope.  There has to be.  That one day somebody just as amazing will come along.  And when that happens, I won't be a teenager scared of love.  And I would be able to make time for him.  And most importantly, I won't be thinking of past loves.

But for tonight, if I had a time machine, I would take me back to that corner.  Just to feel him one more time like that. Just once more.

A Cold April

The world's turning out to be so cold
We're only doing exactly what we're told
No regard for one another
Survival of the fittest, who cares who we throw under
Saying what we want
Doing what we feel
Put yourself first, you're the only thing that's real
The relationships we build, the experiences we find
Doesn't matter when we're all crunched for time
Who cares who you help or trip and push down
They only see the numbers, not everything around
And the snow is melting and the sun's coming out
But we're still getting colder here
And we don't even care
When our minds are exploding
Our hearts start imploding
What's going on?  What changed our minds?
Nobody ever stops to really see
If we all stopped this, we could all just be
But apologies are useless when you can't turn back time
Just grabbing things up and claiming MINE MINE
No ctrl plus z
It's not that easy
Oh it gets so cold
When we just do what we're told.

Love, life, and other complicated things

There are only three explanations:
1) I'm a slut.
2) I'm a teenager who will fall for anybody who's remotely nice to her.
3) I'm not actually falling, I only think, or want to think, that I am.

There are three boys:
1) The best friend who things never worked out with.  (Can I even still call him my best friend)
2) The friend who can keep me up late at night talking. (But is he moving towards being a best friend?)
3) The new friend who's perfect, like he stepped out of a movie or something.

The crazy thing about teenage love lives is that there is always that uncertainty of wasting time and emotions on something marked so temporary.

And in my darkest hours this week, the best friend was the only one to make me smile.  The friend was the only one who made me get up and do something.  And the new friend still lingered in the awkward intro phase but I wanted things to be better.

If only life was more simple, like choosing an apple or banana for a snack or deciding to take a walk.

Or maybe I'm just not a relationship type of person.  I'd hope not, I'd hope that this is only because none of them are the One.  But perhaps I'm really that girl who's too independent to settle down and having too much fun being everything to everyone.

Or maybe it's the stress and exhaustion getting to my head.

Maybe.  Oh life is full of maybes.

-Tee

Getting Out of Bed

It's important to have something in your life to look forward to.  Something that you would rather do instead of sleeping in bed all day.

That's why they say to find a career you love.  They say to diversify your activities.  People are more productive when they're doing something they want to (or at least feel some sort of benefit from doing).

I haven't had anything motivating me lately and self-motivation doesn't always work when you're trying to wake up after a 4-hour sleep and go to school.  Even though I hate it, I've been late to pretty much everywhere I've gone in the past few weeks.

But today I wasn't late.

Orlando, here I come. =)

-Tee

Random Vegetable...

I am currently sitting here eating some sort of potato/yam-like vegetable and drinking a tall glass of milk.  What a way to start the weekend.

But it's nice to be able to sit down and eat something that won't kill me.  I've been eating so much processed foods lately, even I'm starting to feel myself get sluggish.

And it's nice to know I'm doing something right for a change because honestly, this week has been such a mind-twister.  I'm probably going crazy without realizing.  Or there's just too much in too little time.

Either way, I'm glad to be eating this strange vegetable.

-Tee