Last summer, I started a "reinvention" plan to try and get over a boy and be that person that I wanted to be. I guess I never really got over that boy, but it did change my work ethic and outlook on life. So this summer, I'm trying something new.
They say a healthy mind and body makes for good work and when you're a positive person, that overflows onto others. My hope is that the good habits I build this summer will last me for a long while, because as scary as it may be to think about it, life is moving FAST and I need to keep up with it. "If you're not busy being born, you're busy dying" (Thank you Bob Dylan and It's Kind of a Funny Story).
My goal this summer is to:
1) Stay active.
I used to play sports in school and was able to be sprinting and playing on the field for half an hour straight, no breaks, no water. Now THAT's fit. Having a healthy body means that I can sit for more hours at work without getting fidgety. It also means that I'll have more energy to get through three hour lectures at university in the fall.
2) Eat right.
Okay, so the occasional cheeseburger from McDonald's and ice cream sandwich with friends will be my exception (a girl's gotta indulge sometimes, right? We only have one life to eat all these things). But eating right also means taking the time to make a legitimate meal in the morning instead of microwaving a PizzaPop. That also means (sigh) no more midnight snack fests.
3) Sleep well.
I'm a night owl. I like to go to bed at 3AM and wake up at 11AM. As much fun as it is to sit up late and chat with all my friends, sleeping well can help increase energy levels during the day (so that I don't have to be a caffeine addict all the time) and lower blood pressure (which I'm pretty sure is quite high for me, all things considered). So bedtime at 1AM, wake up at 8:30AM? Sounds reasonable.
4) Work hard.
Just because it's summer doesn't mean that I should fall into a summer coma and wake up in September feeling like I did nothing. This summer, I want to work hard on my films, I want to excel at my jobs, I want to finally work on the not-for-profit projects I've had in mind for the past while. I also want to get a head start on my courses next year (can you tell I'm nervous?). Technically, these are things I enjoy doing (except for reviewing for statistics in business management) so is it really "working hard"? More like being productive.
5) LIVE.
It's a broad concept but I feel it most important. This year, I started living my life (meaning being more social, going out more instead of making excuses to be alone) and even though my school work wasn't top notch like it used to be, I enjoyed this year more than the others. Why? Because when I'm laying in my death bed, I probably won't be upset about failing the calculus exam but I would be there thinking about the great memories, people, and experiences of my lifetime. So this summer, I'm not make any more excuses to hide away. I'm going to put 100% into life because it's worth it, I swear.
So I guess that's my plan for this summer (mind you, this was my first legitimate week off from school and just got back from a nice jog so my endorphins are kind of going crazy but I think it'll stick).
Happy Summer!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Don't Forget Me (Tumbling Tears)
I think about every night we stayed up laughing
Whispering soft so our mama's don't hear
Cause we're the group of kids who likes to break every single rule
And I think back to every time we yelled out
Jumping up and down, we couldn't help ourselves
Cause our happiness spilled over the top, so blessed for all we've got
But in a few months you'll find someone new
To make these memories with you
And all I can say through these tumbling tears
Is don't forget me when we're out of here
I think about all those long walks in the mall
Planning for that day when we could buy them all
Yeah we swore we'd meet up in our big ol' yachts
I think about that first time you saw me cry
You held me in your arms until everything felt right
And I know if it wasn't for you i wouldn't be alive
Jumping up and down, we couldn't help ourselves
Cause our happiness spilled over the top, so blessed for all we've got
But in a few months you'll find someone new
To make these memories with you
And all I can say through these tumbling tears
Is don't forget me when we're out of here
I think about all those long walks in the mall
Planning for that day when we could buy them all
Yeah we swore we'd meet up in our big ol' yachts
I think about that first time you saw me cry
You held me in your arms until everything felt right
And I know if it wasn't for you i wouldn't be alive
But in a few months you'll find someone new
To make these memories with you
And all I can say through these tumbling tears
Is don't forget me when we're out of here
In a few months we'll be living somewhere new
And I won't be standing there with you
Yeah all I can think through these tumbling tears
Is how to move on without you here
But in a few months you'll find someone new
To make these memories with you
And all I can say through these tumbling tears
Is don't forget me when we're out of here
Don't forget me (I don't wanna say goodbye)
Don't forget me (I don't wanna say goodbye)
Don't forget me
Cause all I can say through these tumbling tears
Is don't forget me when we're out of here
--------
So I finished my last high school exam today. Bittersweet. Wrote a million songs while I was supposed to be studying. This was one of them, dedicated to all my beautiful friends.Can't wait to start making videos again. Hello summer.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
A letter for him…
Sometimes it’s just nice to get things off your chest…
Dear ___________,
It’s been a year since that day we stood in the halls and I told you how I was feeling. I hope you know that I don’t do that often. In fact, I don’t do that, ever. But I really thought we could’ve been something because I knew you were different from everyone else.
The truth about that day was I didn’t really tell you everything that was circling in my head. I didn’t tell you that you were, are, great, and smart, and funny, and the only person I would sacrifice anything for. And when you told me you didn’t want to get in the way of all the other things I was doing, I said “okay” when really, I wanted to say “I’d rather have you”. And when you walked away, I pretended like I was all cool, like whatever we were was just a story book. No real connection to me when the pages finished. But really, I’ve spent the past year with you in the back of my mind. To be honest, I’m not sure why it lasted so long, but it’s the truth.
Well, here’s the story of how I fell for you. It’s silly telling you, but sometimes I wish that you would tell me too how you fell for me; if you did ever fall for me. (You know, there are nights I lay there and wonder if you really did feel the same way or if it was only me. I wonder if you felt those moments too and if you were just a little upset after our chat in the hallway last year.) In any case, I think it started that day we were at _________’s house watching 500 Days of Summer. We were on her bed together and I put my head on your shoulder. I felt like I belonged there and I wanted you there next to me. Then we went to your house and sat in your room. That’s a weird one, but I just felt a lot closer to you. Learning about you.
But the deal breaker was at your seventeenth birthday party. It kills me every time I think about it and it drives me insane trying to think whether you felt it too. If maybe you wanted what I wanted. But when I had to leave, you waited with me by the door and we just stood there in our corner flirting like we always did. But you almost kissed me. I felt it (or at least I think I felt it from you). Being in that corner, I wanted to be careless and I sometimes wish I did, with no regard for the consequences, just kissed you. After that night, I realized how much you meant to me.
We became such great friends but I guess I had to go and ruin it by saying how I felt. Would we have ended differently if I never said those things? Would we still be close now? I’m not sure, but I also know that I don’t have to wonder if we could’ve ended up together if only I had just spoken up.
Do you know that you’re the only one who can make me feel better? The day of the school show, you don’t know this, but I had probably one of the worst mornings. I was upset and stormed into the library hoping to be semi-productive and distracted. Then I saw you. And I talked with you. And I felt better. At that time, I was with somebody else and I realized that I still wanted you. It’s always been you.
And recently I’ve been seeing you more, but to be honest, it doesn’t feel like it used to. And I think you can agree. In any case, every hug, every time you put your arms around me, every laugh, reminds me of what we used to have and I miss it. I really do. I miss you.
I’ve heard that you’re with someone new now. I bet you’re happy and I bet she’s everything you didn’t see in me. I’m glad you’re happy. I wish nothing but everything good in life for you because you’re that amazing. I hope she knows that about you.
Eventually, I’ll move on too. I guess I kept holding onto the chance that maybe you’d be mine, even if it was only for one night. I keep the coral reef you gave me close by and every sad song brings me back to that hug in the hallway. That was when we changed and I want to go back to when that coral reef was given. When we were close.
Next year you’ll be gone and so will I. Maybe that’ll be easier for me to move on, when I don’t see you around. Where you can’t sneak up behind me for hugs. Maybe then I will find someone new.
So I guess I’ll end off by thanking you for teaching me love. Not the kind we think we all know about high school crushes and school yard heartbreaks. But how to genuinely care for someone. You’ll always be the bigger one in this relationship. I’ll always love you.
-T
Dear ___________,
It’s been a year since that day we stood in the halls and I told you how I was feeling. I hope you know that I don’t do that often. In fact, I don’t do that, ever. But I really thought we could’ve been something because I knew you were different from everyone else.
The truth about that day was I didn’t really tell you everything that was circling in my head. I didn’t tell you that you were, are, great, and smart, and funny, and the only person I would sacrifice anything for. And when you told me you didn’t want to get in the way of all the other things I was doing, I said “okay” when really, I wanted to say “I’d rather have you”. And when you walked away, I pretended like I was all cool, like whatever we were was just a story book. No real connection to me when the pages finished. But really, I’ve spent the past year with you in the back of my mind. To be honest, I’m not sure why it lasted so long, but it’s the truth.
Well, here’s the story of how I fell for you. It’s silly telling you, but sometimes I wish that you would tell me too how you fell for me; if you did ever fall for me. (You know, there are nights I lay there and wonder if you really did feel the same way or if it was only me. I wonder if you felt those moments too and if you were just a little upset after our chat in the hallway last year.) In any case, I think it started that day we were at _________’s house watching 500 Days of Summer. We were on her bed together and I put my head on your shoulder. I felt like I belonged there and I wanted you there next to me. Then we went to your house and sat in your room. That’s a weird one, but I just felt a lot closer to you. Learning about you.
But the deal breaker was at your seventeenth birthday party. It kills me every time I think about it and it drives me insane trying to think whether you felt it too. If maybe you wanted what I wanted. But when I had to leave, you waited with me by the door and we just stood there in our corner flirting like we always did. But you almost kissed me. I felt it (or at least I think I felt it from you). Being in that corner, I wanted to be careless and I sometimes wish I did, with no regard for the consequences, just kissed you. After that night, I realized how much you meant to me.
We became such great friends but I guess I had to go and ruin it by saying how I felt. Would we have ended differently if I never said those things? Would we still be close now? I’m not sure, but I also know that I don’t have to wonder if we could’ve ended up together if only I had just spoken up.
Do you know that you’re the only one who can make me feel better? The day of the school show, you don’t know this, but I had probably one of the worst mornings. I was upset and stormed into the library hoping to be semi-productive and distracted. Then I saw you. And I talked with you. And I felt better. At that time, I was with somebody else and I realized that I still wanted you. It’s always been you.
And recently I’ve been seeing you more, but to be honest, it doesn’t feel like it used to. And I think you can agree. In any case, every hug, every time you put your arms around me, every laugh, reminds me of what we used to have and I miss it. I really do. I miss you.
I’ve heard that you’re with someone new now. I bet you’re happy and I bet she’s everything you didn’t see in me. I’m glad you’re happy. I wish nothing but everything good in life for you because you’re that amazing. I hope she knows that about you.
Eventually, I’ll move on too. I guess I kept holding onto the chance that maybe you’d be mine, even if it was only for one night. I keep the coral reef you gave me close by and every sad song brings me back to that hug in the hallway. That was when we changed and I want to go back to when that coral reef was given. When we were close.
Next year you’ll be gone and so will I. Maybe that’ll be easier for me to move on, when I don’t see you around. Where you can’t sneak up behind me for hugs. Maybe then I will find someone new.
So I guess I’ll end off by thanking you for teaching me love. Not the kind we think we all know about high school crushes and school yard heartbreaks. But how to genuinely care for someone. You’ll always be the bigger one in this relationship. I’ll always love you.
-T
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