My life is an episode on E!

My guilty pleasure show to watch every weekend, back to back episodes is "The Spin Crowd". It's about these two guys who own a PR firm in L.A. and they go about their crazy and dramatic lives (as all reality tv stars do on E!). And for some strange reason, I'm sitting here on a Friday night crying and relating to this show.

In one of the episodes, Simon gives Jonathan an ultimatum. Either give him 50% ownership (since he does most of the work anyways) or Simon will leave the firm for good. Jonathan held off and Simon left. Halfway down the street though, Jonathan stops Simon and gives him 50%. Why? Because he deserved it. Everyone knew it.

I had sports tryouts today. And even though I should be happy because frisbee is my second family, I'm not. I'm crying.

Because for the past three years, I've dedicated myself to frisbee. I expended time and money. I gave up time with my friends and family, got into fights with my family over joining, I sacrificed my marks, my sleep, and had to change my work schedule to fit frisbee. Why did I do it? Because I've never felt so passionate about any other sport. I love it.

But this year, even though I've improved, I've stayed dedicated, and I do my best to be a team player and a leader in the sport, nothing paid off. I didn't get captain, but someone else, who's given less and played for fewer years got it.

I didn't get the 50% like Simon. I got condescending looks and stab in the back.

(My rationale? The coach wants to get in her pants.)

If Simon put in all that work and got nothing in return, he would've left. He would've realized that there was no opportunity there and go off elsewhere where he could really grow and advance.

And maybe I should be doing the same too. And it hurts because I don't want to. But sometimes what we have to do and what we want to do are two different paths.

I don't want to be a sore loser and have bad sportsmanship, and to be honest, I'll get over it someday. But for right now, I'm completely torn and I can't help it. So be it if I'm a bad person. So be it if I'll be hated and looked down upon. Even Michael Phelps would be upset if he lost a race. Sometimes, people get upset.

Simon gave his ultimatum. Is this mine?

-Tee