A lesson in honesty.

Dear 30-year-old me, I hope you laugh if you ever see this again.

Today I learned an important lesson in honesty. And even when the truth hurts or is awkward or is harder to do, honesty really is the best policy.

I seem to be a master of indecisiveness and taking the easiest route around situations like the one I'm going through now. What I've learned after this whole ordeal is that I'm not a girl of relationships. I've never really been in one and to be honest, can't really see myself in one. Sure I know what "relationships" are supposed to be like, I've got years of tv, movies, books, and magazines to back me up. But when I get close to one, it's a blind maze.

So what is this "situation" that's taught me the oh-so importance of honesty?

Well, there's this guy who used to be my friend, and then he started liking me and being weird. And though I'm flattered and I know exactly how he feels (since I kind of fell in love with one of my best friends last year), I still feel pretty weirded out by the things he does to try and show me his feelings. Now I can't even look at him like a friend and it sucks to burn bridges like that. I think I've been too indirect about the whole situation, trying to be "nice" and not hurt his feelings. But the bottom line is, I've led him on. And that was the worst thing I could do. So tonight, I laid it all out. Honest is the best policy right? And the truth is, even though it was awkward and hard to say what I did, I think it was for the best. Because after everything, I think he deserves at least honesty and a reason for why all this went down the way it did.

If there's one thing I'll know next time, being honest when the opportunity comes is not a bad thing and is not mean. Because dragging it on only makes it worse.

I don't like being the one saying no, I don't like to be the one to let the other down. I know what it feels like to be turned away. It sucks, and it scars, and it leaves a lineup of "what ifs" in my head. But I guess it has to happen. Sometimes, we need these moments in our lives to show us what we really need, or really want, or really deserve.

-Tee