katy came along at just the right time

I just heard "Firework" by Katy Perry and it speaks so loudly to me, and not just because my speakers are turned up.

Thank you Katy.

eggplant, anyone?

This weekend, I tried eggplant for the first time and it was...not as bad as I thought! It was actually good. Trying new things is good.

"something's rotten in the state of Denmark"

I feel like I'm in a modern day, real-life version of Hamlet. There's something off about our situation, and I'm not the only one feeling it. We're all having our moments of panic, of sadness, odd mood swings, and confusion.

Some of us are just better at hiding it, but I can tell that there's something "rotten" going on. It's weirding me out. I hope it passes.

i've figured it out!

So I was writing a Business Management test today and halfway through, I realized why you have to show up to class.

I mean, the test was based on content from the textbook, and I can easily memorize the textbook in the comfort of my bedroom during those 1.5 hours that I'm expected to go to class. So, if I can learn on my own, what's the need of going to class?

It's to get an understanding of who the teacher is so that you can predict the answers on the test without even studying so hard, or to get in the teacher's good books so they'll mark you better.

Bonus marks if you write in the same style they do, speak in the same style they do. If you can regurgitate what they said, EVEN BETTER!

That's really all there is to it. My test was a little biased, it was multiple choice but some answers were opinionated. But I knew how to answer most of them because I showed up to class and paid attention, not to the material, but to the teacher.

Breakthrough during a test. Let's hope I passed and this isn't a premature statement.

dumb clock

There just aren't enough hours in a day to do everything I need to without going completely insane and causing permanent damage.

The Way Love Goes

She fell in love

with a boy who

had other plans

Found his keys

to his heart

in another's hands

And for now,

she may be crying

before she sees

before she sees

That this is the way love goes

Thinking you've got it right, you hope

But one day you'll find it, you know

Cause that's the way love goes

He fell in love

with a girl

who was top of class

She changed his hair

and his clothes

to meet her folks

He said goodbye

But realized that he

wanted her back

wanted her back

But that's the way love goes

Thinking you've got it right, you hope

But it'll take some finding and time

But that's the way love goes

That's that way love goes

You smile then you find that

it's not what you hoped

But one day you'll find it, you know

Cause that's the way love goes

She fell in love

with a boy who...

have you ever ran in the rain?

This week had just felt off. I felt bipolar and I'm not too sure why. I mean, it's a number of factors, but mostly, I don't know what it could be. Because it's not like these things in my life are new. I've dealt with them before.

And tonight, I decided to take the night off (even though I shouldn't) because I thought maybe I could fix it. And for those three hours that I spent playing and playing and playing my guitar, things really did feel better. Or at least, I felt better about things. I wrote a song about love because it seems like such an abstract idea right now. I wrote a song to my parents/family telling them what's been bothering me. I wrote a song to a boy that, well, to be honest, it's a very complicated and juvenile story. I sung about love and how awesome it'll be when I get there in life. But it's almost midnight and I'm not playing my guitar anymore. And it feels odd again.

I think I just need a really good run. Like put on my thick sweater and run as far and fast as I can. I want the cool air outside to freeze my skin, almost like it's not going to exist there anymore. I want to run in the rain, like somehow that will wash away everything I'm feeling. I want to get so tired that I'm far beyond a runner's high.

I need to get out of these four walls, don't I?

aimlessly wandering

All my life I have been a planner. I like to plan things out. I like to organize and make sure I have an idea of what's coming up for me. Even if I don't like the plan, I stick to it until something better walks by.

Then it hit me today, and now it's like my world is spinning.

I try to make my own decisions and it turns out to be a huge fight.

I try to make career decisions and it turns out to be a huge fight.

And my teachers asks me, "how much of you is because of your own decision, and how much is because of your family?"

Well making my family happy will keep a roof over my head and food on the table, money for university. Making myself happy will only pay off in the long-run after I've survived some hard debt.

I don't want to wake up when I'm thirty with regret, but I don't want to wake up tomorrow with that regret either. There has to be a better solution.

It doesn't feel good to be wandering like this. I want my plans back.

I think I was much happier in DENIAL than opening my eyes and seeing what I've hidden for so long. Growing up really sucks right now.

why is travel such a hassel?

If I could do anything for my birthday, I would fly to Winnipeg for the weekend, meet One More Girl, and watch them live in concert. But I have a bad feeling that I'm going to miss the deadline of their contest and that I won't be able to get myself to Winnipeg. That sucks...it's nice to dream...

change.

Sometimes change can be a good thing as long as you open your mind, your heart, and your eyes to it.

Internal Monologue #2

I'm really thirsty right now but don't feel like getting anything to drink...maybe if we had like some exotic tropical juice I would feel like drinking something. Water's just so boring right now...I drink it too often. Though I shouldn't be complaining because there are many people out there who do not even get the luxury of clean water. Haha, this internal monologue just isn't as random as my first one. Probably because I'm alone in my room right now instead in a class and that I can type WAY faster than I can write. Man, technology ruined penmanship. And the ability to spell, I just spell checked penmanship...don't ask, I'm tired.

I wonder how long I've been typing for...I forgot to time myself when I started and the whole point of this is to not stop talking to yourself. Which in a way is kind of psychotic. But I think it's also artistic. Sometimes they can be both. Okay, my fingers are getting tired...maybe I should stop and get back to doing homework. Sigh, I hate homework.

math is for squares.

I just did about twelve pages of math homework today. Not fun at all. Not educational at all. Why do I need to know how to factor a cubic function? I feel like my brain is going to start leaking all over my bed or just plain explode onto my walls. Ew...

At least I'm done most of my work for this long weekend...somehow, long weekends never seem long enough. When's the next holiday?

Hello Yemen.

So, my friend was telling me about how he saw the stats on his blog and that's when I realized (three years after I got this blogger account) that you can check stats. I can't believe I never saw that button before now. This week, apparently 12 people from Yemen have visited. Mind. Blown.

being sick is no fun.

So I'm sick. I forgot how difficult being sick makes your life. You're all stuffy, you can't think straight, you're tired all the time. Dear cold virus, please go away. You're kind of annoying. Thanks.

Though I must say, one good thing did come out of it: my voice got a little lower. Do I sound mature or just sick?

I think the worst part of being sick having one more thing to think about. Darn.

This is... #1

{Today in English class, we got an index card with a hole in it. We were to look through the hole and write about something we saw; something that we usually overlook. Here's what I wrote.}

This is...a dandelion stem, but the petals are all gone. Perhaps a little kid kicked it out of anger because he didn't get to play with the soccer ball. The dots on its top act as reminders of what this plant used to be. As the stem waves in the wind, one last white seed clings onto the base; tenacious or just stuck? A small fly comes by for food but finds none. Just an empty stem towering over the rest of the green jungle.

Pricey Barbie.

{FIND ARTICLE HERE}

Half a million for a Barbie?! Oh wait, she wears a giant pink diamond. Is it wrong that I kind of want to buy her?

Internal Monologue #1

{Today in English class, we had to write our internal monologues, basically things that we are thinking. I wrote about 3/4 of a page. Yeah, I write big. It's pretty random, but pretty fun at the same time. There's exactly what I wrote, with the exception of my teacher's name.}

We have to write about what we're thinking. I thinkeveryone's going to write the same thing. Oh man, I just connected my two words up there, should I correct it? My pencil case is too far from me, I can see it from the corner of my eye, it makes me nervous. And now my hand hurts from writing this and I didn't even write that much. What's that noise? Oh, Mr. R----, he makes a lot of noise at this desk. No lead, I hate when that happens. Wouldn't it be cool to have someone narrate your life all the time? I guess it'd be weird after a while. My hand really hurts now, what ever happened to my hand muscles? They're probably in my left now. I miss playing Frisbee and guitar, which reminds me, I need to film like a million projects. But where's the time? On the clock, that's where. Haha, that was so lame. Great, now my right eye is hurting. WEIRD! I never realized how random my mind is, it's not good. This is why I'm not allowed to be alone. Mr. R---- has Kool-Aid Jammers, that was funny. Mm, juice, juice boxes, childhood...

seeking comfort in a box

sometimes four walls is all it takes to shelter you from your own storm.