another song about a broken heart

this is not healthy, but I have to do it anyways.

Dear {blank},

I wish things would've turned out differently. I actually believed they would. I guess things never go according to plan, right? I mean, you never planned for me to admit what I was feeling, did you?

The whole time we were there, I just wanted to tell you everything that was circulating in my head. Because there were so many things that I never told you, never showed you before. But I couldn't get anything out. Maybe somewhere inside, I didn't want to get anything out. Because as much as I wanted us, I was scared too.

And things seem kind of like a blur right now, but I just thought you should know that I want you to be selfish. Yes, I've got all these things going for me. I'm a busy girl, and I like being busy. But at the end of the day, I wish there was somebody there to say, "Good night". I wish I had someone to hug goodbye when I leave and to get excited about seeing.

That day you walked me to your door and waited. Do you remember that? I almost kissed you. I know it was a joke to you. But that night really got me confused about what was happening.

I'm not confused anymore.

I know that I've developed feelings that are stronger than ever before. How do I know this? Because I can't control things this time like I've done before. I can't turn it off like I've done before.

Now I'm hearing stories, left and right. I don't know how much is true. Are they saying it to get back at me? Are they saying it because it's what I want to hear? And it's driving me insane trying to figure this out alone. I want to talk to you but I don't want this to be the end. Ever.

I'd apologize for starting this. I'd apologize for ruining what we had. But I don't think I want to. I do, but I don't. It was a risk. And now we don't have to ever wonder what if, right? I guess it doesn't really matter now, anyways. What's done can't be undone.

To be completely honest though, I think you're hiding something else. Another reason that you're not tell me or anyone else we know. I guess I am too. But that's a conversation for another day.

I don't know what I want from you. I don't know what I want from myself. I don't know what I want from writing this letter. I just hate this lingering silence we've created...I've created. Yeah, I guess this is all my fault. And even more so now that I've given up. But you had a hand in it too. I guess you just can't help it though. I'm the one who fell right? Out of your control.

I'm not really sure what happens next. All I know is I miss you, and everything we had. Ball's in your court.

--Tee