What I don't understand is how I could've been so wrong about everything I thought was happening. I spent an entire year thinking about him, catering to him, wasting every star wishing for him. I thought that he meant it like I did when he told me "I love you" and when he said all those kind words to me. I thought it meant something to him when I stayed up with him every night. I thought he meant something by "you'll always come first" and "I don't want to lose you". But I was wrong.
And now somebody else is slowly making their way into my life, into my heart, and he encourages it. It doesn't even cross his mind that maybe he made a mistake. It doesn't cross his mind that he may lose me to someone else. That his best friend will be committed to someone else and therefore, can no longer be his best friend like that anymore.
That's the hardest part.
That he doesn't care.
Forget the relationship. He doesn't even care about losing me as a friend.
That's what hurts the most.
What I'm most scared about is that I was so sure, but so wrong. What if it happens again now as I jump?
I know exactly what you mean! Hope you feel better soon love!
ReplyDeleteI haven't had many relationships myself, so maybe I shouldn't talk. But I think right now, while you're young and at a time when you're finding yourself more an adult than the teenager you once were, it's okay to take some risks; to take the jump.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest the chances are hardly in our favour, but that's the excitement of finding "that person". For many it's after many slips and falls. It's that feeling of "finally, I've found them." It's not an easy, but as I've learned, it's often better taking the risk and finding out what happens.
As per your friendship goes, maybe it's not so much him not caring about your friendship, but more caring that you find someone that you deserve. I'm not aware of the situation, but I can hardly see a best friend of any sort just throwing a friendship to the wind.
All I can say is although we all have different experiences and are different at heart, we all go through this crazy thing called life. <=( That felt really cliche.)
Nonetheless, good luck. I'll be rooting for you.