Fallout

Hermit

I want to be a hermit in a shell.  I spend the whole day giving my 100% to everyone else around me and when I get home, I want to slink away and be with myself for a change.  That's how I used to be and I was happy.  Then he broke down the walls and made me always available.  And you know what?  I was happy.  And I was so fine with that fact that I was willing to invite him in.  But now, I'm realizing that it's not going to be that way.  He's not going to be the one that I want and need.  That is perfectly okay.  It's just that now times are changing once again and all I want is some time to be with myself.  I spent a long time defining myself as a party of two and I need to figure out who it is that I want to be.  Who is this party of one.  Because I obviously lost sight of that.  And I want to find it back.  I lost sight of what I wanted for myself in life.  Something separate from who you are and what you want.  What you want for me is not the same thing.  So please, can I have my nights back?  Please?

Contagious

His laugh is contagious.
It's the kind that comes from deep within
Exploding into the world
Genuine.
You can tell by his eyes
They dance with sparks and light
Reminiscent of fireworks
Breaking night.
It brings a smile upon his face
This is what happiness looks like
An apathy for what others think
Care-free.
But that's what makes it difficult for him to see me
And the obvious fact that
At the very root of it all
His laugh is contagious.

Hey Anon, here's your answer.

They say to never let your past haunt you and keep you from doing things in the present.  But I guess that's easier said than done.

I've been hurt in the past and I've lost my best friend in the past over this thing called "love".  And that taught me to be more guarded.  That taught me that over time, I'll get over it.

So when it happened again, the falling in love with your best friend thing, I decided to 1) ignore it, and when that didn't work, I'd 2) deal with it.

The first one obviously didn't work, so I opted for the second one.

To be completely honest, I don't think I'll ever tell him how I feel.  I can't risk losing another friend.  I can't risk losing him in particular.  And one day, I'll get over these feelings, like I did before.  But this time, I'll still have him in my life at the end of it all.

Besides, he's in love with someone else.

But she loves somebody else.

And he tells me that I have no clue how much he's hurting.  How much it hurts to listen to the person you have feelings for fall for someone else.

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Hey Anon, here's your answer.  Still curious about your identity, but that's what I get for posting on the internet, right?

Better off asleep or up