Another kind of letter.

Dear ___________,

I hope you know how special you are.  And I want you to know that I meant everything I said to you.  Every moment was genuine.  You made me laugh and you were all I could think about.  You were supportive and listened and I couldn't have asked for anything more.  But I did.  If I was any other girl at any other time, I think something more could have happened between us.

But this is my apology letter, months later, because I was and never will be strong enough to do it in person.  But I ran away because I'm quite broken and you deserve to not deal with that.  I wanted to open up to you, but it's hard.  I've spent a long time building walls.  And maybe that was another reason I ran away.  maybe you and I were something too soon.  Before I even knew who you really were, before you knew who I really was.  It felt like a storybook of assumptions.  That was scary, and I'm a scaredy cat.

I also heard that you just broke up with your girlfriend only a few months ago.  I dont' usually care what people think, but for some reason, I did this time.  I don't know what the details were or if there were any truths in what they said, but I didn't want to be the second choice, the rebound.  I'm sure I wasn't, but I couldn't shake that feeling.

Most of all, you deserve someone who can fully give her heart to you.  I'm too stuck in the past to move forward with you.  That night we danced together, I realized that I'm not the one for you, and maybe, you weren't the right one for me.  You don't know this, but I was having a terrible day and though you were able to make me smile, someone else was there to make me feel better.  I guess I wasn't as ready to move on as I thought I was.

So sitting here thinking about leaving you and leaving us like we did, it's not appetizing.  But it's how it goes.  This is me saying sorry.

-T

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This letter was written on a piece of scrap paper back in June during my exam week.  I didn't want to study and with prom and commencement coming up, I couldn't shake the feelings of leaving so many lose ends in high school.
The truth is though, the past is in the past and I'm living for the now.  I'm pretty much over any guy I've ever felt anything for in high school.  They'll always be a part of me, I mean, they've definitely helped define who I am today.  But it's over, and I'm headed off somewhere new.  It's like a breath of fresh air, really.