Internal Monologue #3

I feel like he's the reason for my downfall. He's a poison. Like a drug. Because I can't go my day without thinking about him but my brain, the thing that's supposed to be making smart decisions, thinks it was him. It was him who distracted me, freed me from my work, made me different. I'm not regretting any of it, I mean, some of it, but overall, I don't. Because I value him. I do. So why does it feel like a goodbye is on the verge of arrival? I feel like this toxic waste won't survive through the winter. I want it to but I think logic will ultimately separate us and it's truly the worst thought in the world right now. I can't help it. This thought just keeps popping up. And if I was brave enough, I'd say it to his face. But I'm not. And so I wait. I'm screwed...?