"nevermind I'll find someone like you"

I was cleaning my room the other night when I found old notes we used to pass to each other in class and doodles that he would give me.  And then he posts a great picture of himself on Facebook.  And once again I'm left here missing him.

And I thought I'd be okay, that it wouldn't affect me as badly as it used to because my heart is learning to fall again for someone new.  But that someone new is still not over a girl who broke his heart.  He tells me he loves me, but at the end of the day, he's not IN love with me.

So I sit and listen to music because that's the only thing that makes sense through all of this.

Internal Monologue #3

I feel like he's the reason for my downfall. He's a poison. Like a drug. Because I can't go my day without thinking about him but my brain, the thing that's supposed to be making smart decisions, thinks it was him. It was him who distracted me, freed me from my work, made me different. I'm not regretting any of it, I mean, some of it, but overall, I don't. Because I value him. I do. So why does it feel like a goodbye is on the verge of arrival? I feel like this toxic waste won't survive through the winter. I want it to but I think logic will ultimately separate us and it's truly the worst thought in the world right now. I can't help it. This thought just keeps popping up. And if I was brave enough, I'd say it to his face. But I'm not. And so I wait. I'm screwed...?

If I told you I loved you...

Shattered heart in pieces, glued together with his words.
Replaced the old school feelings, thinking love's just so absurd.
Oh if only life were simple, he’d be with me, I’d never hurt.

Can you tell that she doesn’t love you like I do
Wouldn’t stay up holding your hand
And she doesn’t see you like I do
Doesn’t notice your sparkle in the night
Still we stay up late whispering about how you can’t get her off your mind
And I’ll be fine, perfectly alone

Never want to lose you or say goodbye forever.

But you'll find my replacement, it's not so hard moving on.

Oh if only you felt the same, you'd be with me, I'd never hurt.

Can you tell that she doesn’t love you like I do
Wouldn’t stay up holding your hand
And she doesn’t see you like I do
Doesn’t notice your sparkle in the night
Still we stay up late whispering about how you can’t get her off your mind
And I’ll be fine, perfectly alone

I know you're saying these promises today in the boredom of the night

But when you wake up in the morning, will I still be the one?

Will I be there always in the back of your mind?

The first one you call.

Can you tell that she doesn’t love you like I do
Wouldn’t stay up holding your hand
And she doesn't see you like I do
Doesn’t notice your sparkle in the night
Still we stay up late whispering about how you can’t get her off your mind
And I’ll be fine, perfectly alone