Innocence

"...life was an undiscovered river
I was jumpin' in
Head first
It was sink or swim
Do or die
...And now and then
I miss those days
But coming back to this place
I realize, it ain't him I miss
It's that young girl,
wide eyed,
First love,
one time
Innocence
...The one thing I can't get back
Is the one thing I miss
...And it was breaking rules
Flying blind
What you see through younger eyes
It wasn't what I thought it was
Man, I swore he was the one
And now and then
I miss those days
But coming back to this place
I realize, it ain't him I miss
It's that young girl,
wide eyed,
First love,
one time
Innocence..."
--Innocence, Sarah Buxton

<3 Tee

"i need you in a rush"

"Baby run cut a path across the blue skies
Straight in a straight line you can't get here fast enough
Find a truck and fire it up
Lean on the gas and off the clutch
Leave Dallas in the dust
I need you in a rush
So baby run"
-Run, George Strait



[...and he's "what you'd call a dream"...]

if you can hear me, let me know

Wake up, I'm trying to show you
I wanna come clean
you mean more than you should mean
but I'm willing to be

the one that you put on a pedestal
the one that you see in your dreams
the one that you hide your true self from
the one you want to please

and I know that it's wrong to want something
so false and so fake
it's not that I want to fix you
I just want to get my way

cause you're the one that I put on a pedestal
the one who keeps coming back to me
the one that I gave my whole heart to
the one who makes me believe

I want a love that's side by side
I want a love that holds me tight
I want a love that feels like a dream
so when I wake up, he's still there with me

so put me up on a pedestal
give me everything I need
but give it to me so completely
that there will be no more wishing
no more wishing
no more wishing
no more wishing

--No More Wishing By Hayley Taylor

i'm going to miss your cigarettes & bubblegum & beautiful eyes, thank you for everything. you've changed the way i live.

On A Saturday Night (11:27)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gL2Ns4xikWM&feature=channel

Jordan McCoy. Check it out. I love this song so much.

love love Tee

Let's get reacquainted, shall we?

1. I've figured out how to combine my love for Drama and my family's love for a traditional job and do something I'll be passionate about. Start an organization. I'll put my accounting knowledge to use, and use my drama skills to raise awareness on issues and provide other youth with opportunities that I never really had. Also, I realized that there are few things in this world that can fill me up with so much happiness than helping others.

2. I've never seen so much drama in drama class. Let's leave it at that.

3. Two and a half more weeks of school. Aw yeah!

Tee

Tied Together with a Smile

"Hold on, baby you're losing it
The water's high, your jumping into it
and letting go and no one knows
that you cry, but you don't tell anyone
that you might not be the golden one
and you're tied together with a smile
but you're coming undone"
--Taylor Swift (Tied Together with a Smile)

*This is a pretty long blog, you don't have to read it...it's for my own personal venting*

I cried after drama class on Wednesday and cried myself to sleep that same night. It's been a hard week: between trying to be a good person, fix my relationship with my drama teacher, accounting test, history test, school performance, being a tutor, and getting my house ready for a party, I've run out of fuel. I couldn't handle it and I was not my usual self. I broke that day.

Then for Thursday, I vowed to be the ideal person and try to put all my problems behind me. I'm an actor, I can act ideal, can't I? What I've learned is that there is a huge difference between acting and reality.

And then today. I cried in Drama class, but not for the same reasons as I did before. Because today, I realized what a terrible world it is. Sorry for sounding so "emo".

Here's the deal:

I wasn't in class on Thursday because I was rehearsing for the show. Apparently in drama class, there was a presentation of a scene from the Diary of Anne Frank and at the end, the two actors kissed making everyone feel awkward and laugh. {the rest gets pretty complicated, I'm not too sure what happened} then there was a video about the Holocaust and everyone was still laughing. My teacher thought they were laughing at the video, but they were laughing at other things. Then a whole bunch of stuff happened resulting in a lot of conflict, people sent to the office, and miscommunication.

Feeling bad about what happened, my teacher opened it up for discussion in class today. And then the claws came out. First it was talking about the issue and then people started to make personal attacks (and I watch enough TV to know that personal attacks mean they have nothing left to argue).

I cried for them.

1. For my teacher: what could he do but assume the obvious. There is a video and people are laughing. He was wrong for jumping to conclusions, he should not think so low of the kids who were laughing, and maybe he should have took a breath and been the teacher that he is.

2. For the presenters: Drama means the world to me and if everyone started laughing and everyone make my presentation seem ridiculous, I would be upset to. But personal attacks? Maybe I'm just too passive.

3. For the students: Laugh. Fine. Get it out. I know how hard it is to keep laughs in. But did they have to be disrespectful? Do they see where everyone else is coming from?

The whole conflict today just make me SO angry because nobody understood what had happened. My teacher wants a discussion, the presenters want revenge, the students want the conflict to be over but not at the expense of their egos.
GROW UP. Accept responsibility for what you've done, vow to never do it again, understand where the other people are coming from, and grow up and move on.
I felt so bad for everyone. Especially my teacher because he was trying to own up to what he had done but they wouldn't let him.

I was so angry at all of them, but I wasn't there. I had no right to say anything. So I said nothing and walked out of the class.

After class, I went up to my teacher and summarized (pretty poorly) what I had just written and I think he appreciated that and it made him feel a little better. But his eyes said that he was really troubled by it. And I would be too.

Hopefully everything will blow over this weekend.

I have two-million and two things to do and I'm still pretty stressed out. I don't know what I'm going to do.

xox.
Tee

Learning at Midnight

1. Tom Higgenson (lead singer of the Plain White T's) is so HOT. I watched them perform on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night and I am in LOVE. So SEXY with glasses! 2. Unagi is NOT good. 3. Frankenstein is okay...I'm halfway through and it's not the best book, but it's not bad. We'll see how I feel when it is done. 4. Dairy Queen ice-cream cake is SUPER GOOD!!! 5. School and parents can be blamed for adolescent turmoil.

xox.
Tee.

Over It

Wow.
I am in a state of shock right now.
Because I've spent so, so long crying about a boy that I've messed things up with. Crying about how he's moved away and forgot all about me.
But then, I forgot all about him. I got over him.
And it was only until now, that I remembered him.
Here's a story...(not using names here...)

We're sitting in class with nothing to do because our teacher was away and everyone finished their work. Then, out of nowhere one of my friend screams, "Anonymous! It's your birthday today?!?!" It wasn't, his birthday is next week. But then, it felt like a brick wall smacked me in the face.
Last year at this time, Anonymous got really mad and jealous that I forgot his birthday but remembered the birthday of another boy (the one who left without saying goodbye, lets call him Ex-Prince Charming).
And for some reason, sitting in that class, I realized, wow, I missed Ex-Prince Charming's birthday. Just totally forgot about it, forgot about him. And I knew I was over him.
I mean, yeah, it sucks what happened between us, but I'm over it. And it's weird because I've spent such a large part of the past year regretting letting him go.

HAPPY.

xox.
Tee.

Flow

I spent almost a month trying to do my English class writing assignment and came up with pretty crap work.
Tonight, I spent about an hour and a half just letting my fingers fly over the keyboard and actually did a good job on the last part of my assignment. It FEELS SO GOOD!
Now, I just have to edit it...so I'm going to wait one night, collect my thoughts, and really do my best on this assignment.
Due Friday.

xox.
Tee

Long Weekend

Well, my long weekend is half way over and I think I've been pretty productive.

Thursday: Took a twelve-hour nap...

Friday: Watched A LOT of The Hills. (loves it!)

Saturday: Did quite a lot of homework, went shopping, practiced for school performance, blogging!!

So today, i met a very cute boy (too old for me but he is still cute). He worked at the hardware store we went to and was very informative and helpful. Thank you very cute boy, you've made my day.

After watching so many episodes of The Hills, I've decided that what my friend said is true: we all say we want a good boy but we always fall for the bad ones.

xox.
Tee