Clarity, Peace, Serenity

Nothing like a weekend away to give you perspective on what's really going on.

Last weekend, I learned who I was and who I wanted to be.

I learned my purpose and my motivation.

I gained a new found appreciation for my friends, the opportunities I've been given, and my family.

Life's far from perfect, but that's okay.

This weekend I found an inner peace and tranquility that I've never felt before.

And all I had to do was get away.

"myself and i, we've got some straightening out to do"

Studying Now in Session

I first wanted to take a typical teenager webcam photo.  And then I got excited when I realized I was supposed to take four different photos to fill the frames, not just one.  So I decided to make a funny face, as webcam photos should be.  And finished off laughing at my stupidity.

This is what studying looks like...

Loser? Yes. Sleepy? Yes. Learning about management? Getting there.

The view from my window is gorgeous.  Overlooking the air traffic path and facing sun set.  The moon comes into view at 2AM.  I get these moments where I just stop for a moment and stare outside.  To see how beautiful things can really be.  To reflect on how lucky I actually am.  Peace in my sanctuary.  The view from my four walls.

Now Playing: You Do, You Don't

This song has been on repeat for the past few days.  In a way, I feel completely connected to it but I'm still trying to put my finger on the exact reason that this song is making me feel so strongly about it.  It feels like it's more than the beautiful piano or voice or words that's causing my reaction.  Nevertheless, at the end of the day, it's still a good song.

"the world is calling out" - Simple Plan, When I'm Gone
DIY bracelet I'm wearing right now.

The Sunset

I walked home during sunset today.  It's was incredibly beautiful.  It's the kind of evening haze that feels surreal.  Like the sky was painted by a very talented person and inserted into my line of sight.  It's incredible how purple and orange and pink and perfect the sky can be.  The best part is when the silhouette of an airplane flies into the sunset.  Or when the birds dance around above.  The rush of headlights and taillights passed me by, almost blinding with the harsh lights on the streets when it wasn't fully dark yet.  Intrusive yet pretty.  The cool wind was hitting my face and pushed my hair back.  It was picturesque without the picture part.  A movie without film.  My emotions were spilling everywhere.  Every scar, every bruise, every tear, every laugh, every moment of peace.  It mixed in me like the colours in the sky.  I wanted to capture this moment.  I wanted to bottle it up.  I wanted to freeze in a frame and keep it forever.  But the truth is, photographs and recordings and writing can't capture that moment enough.  It's one of those rare moments in life that we don't ever get back.  If I ever walked home like that again, it won't be the same and neither will I.

Random Rants on my Phone

I tend to pass the time waiting for the bus by typing random lyrics and thoughts into my phone. That also means my phone memory is practically full by now. So tonight, I decided to clear them all out. The following is a random rambling of thoughts from 10AM in August. I remember feeling absolutely confused about what was happening and what I was doing. I also remember feeling absolutely scared of the possibility of losing someone I really cared about.

I don't understand how I could have fallen so hard yet he doesn't feel a thing. How can he be saying all these words but not truly mean it? How can he start up all these moments but still stay perfectly uninvolved while I'm sucked into a vortex of longing? I never wanted any of this. I didn't want to fall in love. I promised myself I wouldn't do it again. So what now?

This Song Saved My Life

This is probably one of the most personal videos I have ever made. I was contemplating not uploading this, but film making is about emotions and story telling and this video is both. The words featured in this video are actual excerpts from my diary during a tough time in my life. And during those tough times, I had mentors and support from friends, but most of all, I had music. One of the most prominent songs in my life is "Welcome to My Life" by Simple Plan. It spoke for me when I couldn't find the courage to and gave me something to relate to. This song saved my life.

Song: This Song Saved My Life - Simple Plan


*NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED.

Puffy eyes and trembling lips.

I spent five minutes thinking about it.
I logged in.
Clicked your name.
Typed my message.
Deleted it.
Signed out.

I'm too scared to tell you this but it has to come out.

You are the best friend I've ever had. So smart, so kind, so entertaining.  Pretty much, amazing. And seeing you happy, whether I'm in the picture or not, makes me happy. I want so bad for you to smile, more then I want it for myself.  And you'll never know it, but I love you, and I mean it with all my heart.