seeking comfort in a box

sometimes four walls is all it takes to shelter you from your own storm.

goodbye summer 2010

So, this is my last night of summer before I become a SENIOR! (sounds 65+...)

Not sure how well the whole "reinvention" thing went, but I think I've come out of it a little better than when I started and at the end of the day, every little bit counts. =)

• {DONE!} Get my driver's license
• Create Eight Short Films (three legit new videos made this summer, ten, soon to be eleven, uploads to Youtube)
• Finish writing my film and theatre scripts (does a 12 page script count?)
• {DONE!} Research university information
• Get fit (...it's an ongoing thing...)
• Get smart (Read one chapter about economics...)
• {DONE!} Figure out what I want
• {DONE!} Work on goal/dream board

Hmm, 4/8...50%! Not too bad...and I did attempt each thing on my list which is a start. I've also been taking better care of myself, as in eating better than before, skin care, hair care, self love.

Goals for the new school year?

• Give 110% at all times, even when I'm tired, sad, mad, distracted...always 110%
• Fridays are work out days!
• Friday is also tend to Youtube day
• No more naps
• No procrastination
• Speak up

I have high hopes for the new school year. I'm going to finish high school strong and stop waiting for life to happen. Wake up call, it's already moving fast.

Thanks summer 2010, hello school year 2010/2011. =)

{...tee.}

words in my head at 5:30AM

Go ahead and tell me. Let me know that you didn't feel it too. That you didn't want to, too. Tell me that those hugs, and words, and that night at your house was just for fun and you didn't feel a thing.

It would certainly make this a lot easier.

So look me in the eyes, and tell me that. And I'll once more tell you "okay" because that's the only thing that seems to come out of my mouth.

{.tee.}

p.s. Short films, two down. Yes, I'm still reinventing. I quite like it.

KATE VOEGELE - FOREVER AND ALMOST ALWAYS. =)

"it's gonna hurt bad before it gets better"

I'm not too sure what I'm feeling right now, or what I should be feeling for that matter.

I never thought I was the type of girl who needed someone to be happy. In fact, I don't want to be that girl. But society is so keen on couples and love and the concept of finding your soul mate; it's a little hard NOT to be THAT girl.

This is probably because I grew up too fast. I'm growing impatient. There's a big world out there, I just need to wait a while longer before I can see it, experience it.

Maybe it's not even about that. I've been single my whole life, what makes NOW any different? Maybe I'm regretting letting him know how I feel. Maybe friendly flirting was better and I should have left it at that because now, I have nothing. And it hurts.

{.tee.}

the sum of you plus me

Dear (blank),

Thank you for caring for me enough to let me go. Thank you for knowing enough about me to let me go. I'll always respect you for that. I don't think you'll ever know how much I'll always love you.

--Tee

Crossing things off is a good feeling

So here is a revised list of my Summer Goals:

• {DONE!} Get my driver's license
• Create Eight Short Films (one down!)
• Finish writing my film and theatre scripts
• {DONE!} Research university information
• Get fit
• Get smart
• {DONE!} Figure out what I want
• {DONE!} Work on goal/dream board

=)

{...tee.}

Day ???

Well, it's been a long time since I've last blogged, but that doesn't mean it's been a long time since I've been working on my goals.

After much nagging from my mom, I started really studying for my driver's license. One and a half hours today.

Short films? They're all half projects...But I do have a wall of ideas beside my desk which is a constant reminder to work on this. I did, however put up a new video on my Youtube. Does this count as a video? Still undecided...

Film and theatre scripts...getting there. One of my theatre scripts is just about done, but it's only 12 pages.

Research university information is practically done. But I think I just need a good chat with my guidance counselor before solidifying anything in my mind. Open mindedness is a good asset.

Get fit...well, I've been slacking (unless walking the mall is exercise). But I did exercise for a little more than half an hour today.

Get smart? Maybe I'll do that tomorrow...or in a few weeks...I've got time.

Figure out what I want. CHECK! Surprisingly, summer gives me a lot of alone time and I relistened (apparently not a word) to a self-help CD that my teacher gave me a while back. I know what I want. I know who I want to be. I've got a clear head and nobody can take my positive energy from me. They're not allowed.

Work on my dream/goal book. Doing it right now.

Today, I also came across a blog called "Stop Dating Ben & Jerry". How cleverly named. In one of their posts, {CLICK!} "39 Little Adventures for Living a Great Life", they give some great advice and some things for me to do in my effort to LIVE a fulfilling life.

Some that stood out to me:

1. Drink Plenty of Water - Yes, in fact, my mom spent all of last week preaching the benefits of more water to me!

4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy

11.Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

16.Dream more while you are awake

23.Smile and laugh more.

26.Each day give something good to others.

36.No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

{.tee.}

p.s. Wow, in a very good mood.

Why Am I Doing This?

Excellent question to evaluate how healthy this reinvention actually is.

Yes, there's a part of me that says: to get back at him. A tabloid once said, success is the greatest revenge. But wouldn't that just justify everything he said? He says he doesn't want to get in the way of all the stuff I do, so, if through this reinvention I become that super powerful, independent, confident girl (without him), I just fuel his reason for not believing in the "us".

Yet, the other half of me wants me to do this for myself. I spent a lot of time waiting for life to happen. I'm sick of waiting. I'm going to take matters into my own hands. That's powerful.

Maybe that's it. If he can't handle the fact that I'm going where I want to, maximum speed, then maybe we wouldn't have worked out.

I hear a lot of celebrities say how their busy schedule keeps them from having a "personal life" because nobody understands. Carrie Underwood once said that she would only date in the industry because they'll understand how busy she is or how tired she can get. I'm no celeb, but maybe we're not that different.

So if he thinks he can't handle it, then that's completely fine. Because I'm still young and there'll be plenty of other guys out there that would be great for me. Guys that can relate to my craziness. And that's the hope I'll fall asleep with.

Wow, blogging breakthrough. Better than therapy because it's free!

{...tee}

p.s. Day 4 - Not really focusing too much on the other goals except for my short films and getting fit. But tomorrow is a brand new day. Focus. =)

Reinvention: Day 3

I think I'm doing quite well. It's kind of empowering.

But, I still have a long way to go...and I don't see any signs of giving up just yet.

{...tee}

Reinvention: Day 2

End of Day Two of Reinvention...I'm thinking I need to add "WAKE UP AT A REASONABLE HOUR" to my list of goals...12 pm texts from a friend should NOT be an alarm clock.

So today I exercised, started a production channel (TEE Production Studios) and will work on my creative writing in a bit. Maybe I should study for my driver's license too...I seriously need to stop sleeping for 12 hours. It takes away too much time in my life.

{...tee}